The Boiling Frog Of Anxiety.

When we were first born, we had zero obligations.

There was nothing really to do, and there was nothing expected of us. We were simply existing in a world that (hopefully) loved and cared for us. In addition, to put it more scientifically, our prefrontal cortex (the thinking, rationalizing part of our brain) hadn’t been fully formed yet.

As we got a little older, we were then sent to grade school. In grade school, our first bits of expectation began. We started to focus on getting good grades; perhaps making the honour role; and learning as much about the world as we possibly could before entering, what was so ominously referred to as, “the real world.”

Graduating to high school, some of us were expected to get jobs; help out with rent; and/or save up for college or university. We longed to be popular and fit in, and we would do anything that we thought was important in order to be perceived as being cool.

Moving on to either college or university, our obligations intensified. Some of us still had a part time job, and others were solely focused on getting the highest grades possible so that they could land a decent (or, ideally, their “dream”) job.

When graduation came and it was time for us to enter into the “real world,” even more obligations started to tether to us. We began buying cars, attaining mortgages, and/or even began to start our own families.

From these families, even more obligations in the form of parenthood began and we were not only saddled with paying off our debt, making it to work on time, getting a promotion, and Keeping Up With The Jones’, but we now had a new life to look after.

Along the path of life, we developed a massive amount of anxiety from a myriad number of obligations that we had collected and could not drop or easily forget about. We spent the first third of our life gathering things which now served as the foundation for the rest of our lives; things which expected things from us and things that we could not ignore.

In spiritual life, babies are often referred to as Little Buddhas—they were born perfect, and it was life that led them astray.

But what is a Buddha? One without obligation. For, what is obligation, if not a figment of your imagination—a figment of your problem solving mind.

Can you touch an expectation or an obligation? Sure, you can touch the byproducts of it; your child, your car, your home, your TV, your Bottega bag, but you cannot physically touch the expectation or obligation itself. Why? Because expectations and obligations are figments and constructions of your mind.

These figments and constructions of your mind are what are leading you towards unnerving anxiety—what often times manifests as what is termed a “midlife crisis.” There comes a point where all of your anxieties build up and you find yourself beginning to crack. First mentally, then physically. This is what most people ominously refer to as “growing up” or humorously ascribe as “adulting.”

How do you escape this level of expectation and obligation? The sad truth is: if you want to live in this society, you cannot. As we each grow older, we continue to build more and more responsibilities to the point that if we decide to leave them, we can do more harm than good (though it may be good for you mentally, there are people who are still counting on you). What you can do instead is learn to control these expectations and obligations. How? By learning to control your mind.

The quintessential point of meditation is to relax the mind; to relieve some of that anxious tension long enough in order to give your mind a mental reset so that you can pick back up and carry on stronger.

No, when you practice meditation, you don’t forget your baggage; you simply leave it at the door until you’re ready to pick it back up again.

I recently head this analogy made in relation to a car: if you own an extremely fast car, with a powerful enough engine to rival the top speeds of other high performing vehicles, should you really be maxing it out all the time? No. Your engine will eventually break. Instead, you need pockets of rest for your engine so that it can get back to those insane top speeds when you need it to.

Your mind is like that car. It can do impressive, unimaginable things when you need it to, but it shouldn’t be performing that way all the time; or else, it’s liable to break.

Learn to release the thoughts from your mind, relaxing it and giving it time to rest; to cool down your anxiety so that it does’t overrun you. Thus, is the practice of learning to breathe and focus solely on your breath.

With enough practice, you’ll soon start seeing that it becomes easier and easier to enter into these relaxed and fully-present states until the point where you can become fully present at will; so as to not just rest your mind, but maximize your entire life.

And all of that starts with just one mindful breath.

-just breathe.